Monday, September 26, 2011

Motivation Monday: Trusting the Process

My previous post discussed my current thoughts on coping with my relationship and career changes and how these changes have altered my Girl on the Go momentum. After the post, I spent a very eventful weekend with my friends and family. But Sunday greeted me with rainy weather and its typical slower pace, and I started to feel a bit hazy again. I felt especially heavy during a quiet ride home. I recalled ways to make myself feel better and remembered that saying what I'm feeling aloud has helped me work through many of my recent changes. So I began to do so in the car.

For every question that popped-up about what was happening (how? why? etc.), I would respond with 'it doesn't matter, trust the process.' I repeated it over and over in an attempt to convince myself that what I was saying was true, but my doubts seemed to overpower my own words. I decided to take the reflection a bit further. I asked myself, 'what does it mean if I don't trust process?'

I immediately responded, 'it means I don't trust myself.' Can we say, Self-OUCHervation? (<- I made that up)

I had finally, successfully made an observation about myself (thanks GPYB) and I didn't like the answer. This was both shocking and enlightening. Frightening and empowering. But it became the only answer I truly needed. 

 'If I don't trust the process or don't want to trust the process it's because I don't trust myself.' I continued, '...and if I don't trust myself fully, how could I truly ever trust anyone else? And how could I expect anyone else to truly trust me?' (Insert Oprah's "aha!" moments here!)

To be clear, I speak of trust in terms of my own self-reliance, not in the relational sense. Giving up on the process would mean giving up on my self, thus losing faith in my own capabilities; giving in to the process means I trust myself enough to get through this. I must believe in my capacity for change, strength and growth even if I don't FEEL it at the time. In my current situation, the "process" is healing and regaining control of my career. For others, this "process" may be something entirely different; however, the concept still remains in tact. 

I also noticed that the word "trust" can be replaced by a number of equally relevant terms. I paid particular attention to the power that "love," "nourish," and "respect" brought to the statement. 

There are moments that the process felt unattainable or insensitive to my challenges. It felt too hard or too painful to face, and I often thought it may be easier to put feelings in the back burner so they are not dealt with. But I reminded myself that those feelings would undoubtedly resurface, maybe even ten fold. - If I don't meet things head on and I don't embrace the process, I am giving up on myself. - This idea took awhile to click with me. It took repetition, discipline and some serious honesty for me to make this observation, but only I could get myself to such a point of understanding. If you are in a similar situation, continue to remind yourself to trust the process until it becomes ingrained in your brain. 

"All permanent change begins with an awareness of how you are and how you want to be. Learning to sit back and observe your thoughts and feelings, as well as the people around you, is a powerful tool in taking control of your life." - Susan J. Elliott 



1 comment:

  1. I've also felt this way and have made decisions even when I don't trust myself. Needless to say, making decisions with doubts leads to many mistakes. I've learned from them and work on trusting myself a little more daily.